Doctor's Visits

I find that doctor's visits changed drastically once I went from one child to three children. What used to be an enjoyable exchange of questions concerning late teeth, growth charts, weight gain, etc. is now reduced to screaming, crowd control and downright humiliation. For example, read about my most recent experience below:

So, I just got back from the doctor's office for twin #2.

Let's summarize: Hmmm, in between the twins taking turns screaming and crying, "mommmmmyyyyyyy" and both attempting to climb on my lap at the same time while simultaneously hitting each other to keep the aforementioned goal to themselves, I am having the following conversation with the doctor.
Doctor: "Twin #1 has both pink eye and here you might need this," subtly hands me a kleenex.
I look at the kleenex and think to myself, wow, how did she know I needed one. Then I look down at Twin #2 and see he has a river of mucous running out of his nose. Fun.
Me: Thanks, I didn't even realize his nose was running.
Doctor: Anyway, in addition to the pink eye, Twin #2 also has impotago(sp?), so I am going to...why don't I try and slide the chair closer to you (Twin #1 is now climbing on the chair next to us and attempting to jump off of it into my lap).
Me: "Thanks, he's such a momma's boy," as I think to myself, my first son was NEVER like this.
Doctor: So, I'm going to prescribe an oral antibiotic for the pink eye and a topical antibiotic for the staff."
Me: "I'm sorry did you say, staff?," as Twin #2 is now screaming "bye bye mommy, bye bye mommy, fishies FISSSHHHIIEEEESSSS," referring to fish tank that we were looking at in the waiting room.
Doctor: "Yes, the constant wiping of his nose led to it becoming raw and open and a staff infection got in there(impotago) sp? again, so the topical antibiotic should help clear it up.
Twin #1 and Twin #2 are now crawling around on the very clean doctor's office floor and trying to open the wastebasket that says "hazardous materials."
Me: Now, I have strep throat, but have been on an antibiotic for 24 hours, so I don't believe I'm contagious any longer. How will I know if the twins have it?
Doctor: "umm, they probably shouldn't be trying to open that, heh, heh," most likely referring to the very clearly marked "hazardous materials" wastebasket.
Me: "Yeah, I know, they're soooo silllyyyyy, heh, heh. Boys, get over here NOW!" They both look at me, and turn their heads and pretend I haven't even spoken a word. Again, I am thinking, my first son was NEVER like this.
The doctor then proceeds to describe every symptom of strep throat that the twins already have. Then she says this.
Doctor: "However many times in children this young, strep can present itself as a very red rashy rectal ring." My mind immediately flashes back to earlier this week, when my oldest was complaining that his, "butt itched." I had looked at it and noticed that it was a very small contained red rash and had been putting triple paste on it over the last several days.
Me: "Oh my gosh, my son has that."
Doctor: Looking concerned, " Which baby?"
Me: "Oh, no my other son, he's four."
Doctor: "We'll make an appointment for him for later today." The twins are now attempting to pick up the tongue depressor on the floor and put it into their mouths. They keep shouting, "AHHHHHHH, hahahahaha," and are now saying, "Bye, Bye, doctor."

So to sum it all up, two cases of strep, one of staff and pink eye and I'm told that twin #2 will get all three in a few days. Let's top it all off with a 5:10 appointment for a rectal swab and we had an AWESOME day!